Women and “less defined passions”

               I’M BAAAAAAAACK!

I’m going to start with an apology - it’s been a hot minute since I blogged – I wish I had a better excuse but it’s just the normal “life got crazy busy blah blah blah”. SOZZZZZ

So I wanted to talk about something that came to my attention when an unnamed male during a conversation suggested casually that women ‘have less defined passions’. This really interested me for a few reasons. Number one – the male perspective really interested me on women and their creativity.. Number two it got me thinking about society and how men are conditioned around reacting to women’s roles and why.

So why would men think that women have less defined passions? Maybe because they perceive women’s enjoyment as less important? Or their interests more trivial? Or perhaps it’s because some people and sections of society still think of women’s passion projects are redundant because they mostly wind up being care givers in some way anyway. The funny thing is – the person who said to me oh women don’t have passions which are as defined actually claims to be a feminist. This is interesting in terms of unconscious bias which obviously needs addressing.

Let’s deal with point one first.. women’s enjoyment being perceived as less important and trivial. I think this is because it’s thought that women’s interests are external – fashion and beauty etc. However I don’t think this makes them necessarily less important. Yes – you’ll always have those people who are superficial but that goes for men and women..

The second point – “women usually end up being care givers anyway” Well that’s ancient but apparently still believed – also NOT TRUE. First off not everyone wants/can have kids and men these days are having an increasing role in childcare and caregiving also many many badass boss women with massive creative empires built on their passions have families. Lots are even born of issues they’ve faced as parents – see Cambridge Satchel Company. So there. The proof is also in the pudding and more and more women are becoming powerful influencers and plugging their interests successfully.

So be a kick ass creative passionate woman and prove the critics wrong YEAAH??

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The Health Files

         AKA ... Trying not to be a garbage person.

My reason for doing this post is slightly selfish as I want to monitor myself and also make sure that I don’t give up focusing on health and exercise. It’s SO much harder to stop doing something once you’ve put it in writing and people know you’re doing it. On that topic – I think it’s important to do things for yourself and not others. I think that’s the only way you actually do things for yourself. I’ve had people tell me to do stuff before and it neverrrr works. You have to care about yourself enough to make the change.

So basically I guess the start of this part of the story is I have a gym in my building now. Now – I’ve signed up to gyms before with very good intentions and it’s lasted a while but not more than a few months. So I’ve decided to really focus on health and fitness since I moved. (no one is too lazy to walk downstairs to a gym riiiiight?) I’m one week in so far and I’ve been 5 times so not too bad. Why am I sharing this? Because I’ve struggled. A LOT. And I want to give hope to anyone that feels out of control of their body. Each day is a new chance to take control of it. Love yourself enough to carve out 20-30 mins minimum to focus on a brisk walk or a short work out.

Mentally and physically it’ll really help with feeling like a garbage person (we’ve allll been there) and really help you to exist in reality (post coming on this shortly). It helps in life in general to focus on something and aim towards that. It’s not necessarily even about the scales or the pounds lost it’s a lot more about how you feel in yourself/how you fit into your clothes etc. Also one thing tends to lead to another – so since I’ve been going to the gym I’ve also brought lunch in and chosen a longer route to work.

I think it’s also really good to reward yourself for small everyday victories too. You went to the gym today – great! You walked that extra tube stop to work – go you! We can be super hard on ourselves but it’s important to treat yourself and your process kindly. And remember everyone is different so don't judge yourself by other people’s standards.

YOU CAN DO IT! (if you b&q it)

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Control

          I think levels of control (or lack of) is one of the biggest differences between your early twenties and your mid to late twenties. It’s easy at 21 or 22 to feel massively out of control of your life - chances are you’ve finished uni, you’re figuring out what you really want and trying to piece together how you might eventually get there. Slowly but surely over the next few years hopefully you’ll feel more and more in control!

The aspects of feeling in control of your life and secure can generally be divided into the following: job, home, financial stability and physically feeling in control of your body. When all of these work together you’ll probably feel somewhat in control. I’ve personally struggled massively with all of the above at various time and I guess the most important thing is that it’s totally normal. I think for millennials especially it’s hard because a lot of our parents had their shit sorted by our age and were married/homeowners etc and that’s just not realistic in this day and age as for a multitude of reasons as society is so different.

I think it’s a strange time in your life around 25/26 because you’re fighting a sort of inner battle where half of you wants to be a teenager and half of you wants to be a Grandma. But the most important thing to focus on is staying in control of what’s important to you and not relinquishing control to others who will be always be on their own path.  

So I’ve tried to make this year the year I take control. Super boring but necessary. Find the small changes that make a difference to you and try and make them part of your daily life. For me it’s spending my whole lunch hour walking, bringing lunch into work and making a budget spreadsheet but it’s different for everyone.  Find what is most crucial to your happiness and grab control of it J

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The Power of The Podcast

 

I came to podcasts properly a year or so ago and they have honestly changed my life. Well more specifically they’ve transformed my journey to work. Back in the day I used to download odd radio one episodes for my 2 hour commute but recently I’ve properly got into series of podcasts and OMG so good. Especially if you’re like me and find commuting and any travel emotionally harrowing then this can definitely help. I thought I’d list some of the main ones which I’ve loved!!

1)      Get It On

This is the style podcast offering from Dawn O’Porter and I love love love it. If you’ve never listened it’s basically Dawn talking to guests including Caroline Flack and Dawn French about the story behind their style. What’s great about this is that it takes a topic which can often be deemed trivial (fashion) but turns it on its head and gives the stories behind peoples clothing choices and style journey across their lives some real depth! The emotional intelligence with which choosing what you wear is discussed also makes it worth a listen.

2)      Hey It’s Ok

The Glamour ‘Hey It’s Ok’ Podcast is a great buster for those commuting blues. The best thing about this is for sure how relatable everything they discuss is. I think they usually pick 3 topics to talk through and discuss if they’re ‘ok’ (for example jealousy amongst women, being late or swearing) and on average I find 2 or 3 subject matters really relevant to my own life. It’s a great pep up because it’s a podcast version of chatting with friends and validating your secret guilty habits or deciding.. hey it’s not ok!!

3)      Desert Island Discs

Ok Ok I know this might seem like an odd choice for a 26 year old but bear with me. I will freely admit looking at the podcast feed I didn’t know who every guest was and some are a little before my time but there’s some absolute gems in there. David Beckham, Caitlin Moran, Tim Minchin and Judi Dench are especially worth a listen. The show is presented by Kirsty Young who is totally at the heart of every episode and does a phenomenal job drawing out personal stories from her guests and revealing a different side of them to her audience in the process. Plus I’m properly nosey and love hearing what celebrities favourite songs are!

4)      My Dad Wrote a Porno

In one simple word – HILARIOUS. Probably not for the faint hearted or easily offended but definitely laugh a minute. My friend actually had this podcast accidentally play out of her phone in the garden of her (middle class) Dad which is very far from ideal.. In a nutshell this podcast features the fab Alice Levine, James Cooper and Jamie Morton discussing and reading out Jamie’s dad’s porno which they’ve unearthed. I mean it’s obviously a hilarious concept to begin with but they just read it so well and make it even funnier. It can be summed up with the opener “Jamie, why are we here” “Well - we’re here because my Dad’s written a porno..” followed by subsequent laughter. So trust me - sign up for Belinda’s adventures stat (you’ll see what I mean by that..)

One of my favourite things about podcasts is the collaborative atmosphere that you can really hear in each podcast you listen to but especially the ones above. I love that people appear on each other’s podcasts (Jo Elvin of Glamour and Dawn O’Porter for example) and many of the guests like Angela Scanlon appear on both Get It On and Glamour’s podcast – I think it properly gives a sense of a podcast community!   

So what’re you waiting for?? Go to your podcast section of your phone and get subscribing!

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Spending your Twenties as a Rubik’s Cube

 

I came up with this analogy the other day and I really like it. I guess this feeds into the changes post I wrote recently but this has emphasis more on the life stage of your twenties and a rotation of changes until you’re happy with where you land. I think we can mourn changes and focus on the negative impact of them i.e. I miss someone who I’ve cut out of my life or there’s so much life admin related to this new house/job but actually I think in your twenties trial and error is so crucial. You need to try different things in different ways until you have everything how you want it and your cube is right on all sides!

I think some of us judge ourselves and each other for life changes and it’s important to look at this why this is and try and change it. There can be an attitude especially with women of ‘oh she’s flighty she’s moving again’ or ‘ohh I see on linked in she’s got ANOTHER new job’. I’m not sure men are judged in quite the same way. Maybe it’s because women are supposed to be seen as beacons of stability and we’re supposed to be steadfast and reliable. But we also have to be happy and sometimes you have to change your situation and ‘rotate your Rubick’s cube’ until you’re happy.

My whole life (up until fairly recently) I always wanted people to see me as reliable and non-changing so I’ve tended to stay in things for a long time. Maybe I was using it as a front because actually I was petrified by change. But recently I’ve embraced it and I’ve not only stopped seeing it as a negative but started seeing it as positive. I’ve become much more focused on moving onwards and upwards and reminding myself that I do deserve to keep things moving in my life until I’m truly fulfilled and satisfied.

Again I don’t know if this fear of wanting certain things comes from being a woman and not feeling assertive enough to grab things and like I deserve them but I’m really trying to alter my deeper mindset. A few lines I try to tell myself:

·         I am responsible for my own happiness

·         I deserve the things I want

·         I should be fulfilled – it’s my right

·         I have control over my destiny and I can affect the things that happen to me

 

GOOD LUCK! Don’t be scared of ‘unsettling other people’ or ‘doing too many new things at once’. Sometimes you’ve just got to grab those reins and make a big change ;)

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Here Comes The Sun (do do do dooo)

 

              I used to be a winter gal. I think when I was younger the lure of Christmas and my birthday in winter and the magic of all the lights everywhere and long cozy evenings won me over. But the older I got my ‘fresh start’ tended to be April and the Spring / Summer started to become my favorite time of year.

I think this maybe has something to do with the long history of amazing Easter holidays in my family – the start of the year can be a bit bleak so growing up my parents always made sure we had a break for Easter – either abroad or in our favourite hotel in Dorset. I can remember thinking that once that happened the year had properly started! (Ah to be young and able to while away 3 months of every year…)

I’ve found, particularly the last couple of years that by the end of the year I’m burnt out and want to change something significant about my life (see last post on changes) then it takes me the first few months of the year to sort out exactly what I want to change and how I’m going to do it. By the time the start of summer kicks in I’m usually quite settled in a routine and that’s how I stay – until the end of the year when I review everything and the whole above process starts again.

As I’ve mentioned before I’m a huge festival fan and obviously these primarily happen in the summer months. I’m going to Glastonbury for the first time in a little while this year and cannot wait! Most of my life has been spent in places where there’s lots of general fun stuff to do in summer as well. Brighton where I grew up obviously has the beach walks and South Downs as well as the bars and cafes and London has the lure of the museums and galleries and general culture (rooftop bars, outdoor cinemas etc.) – the V&A pool outside in the summer is one of my happy places.

Who knows if it’s the longer evenings, cider and prosecco or outdoor markets that have done it but since becoming a Londoner I’ve definitely found the true benefit of spending the summer in the city…

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Changes

 

       I’m a proper stickler for keeping things as they are. I hate change. Hate hate hate it. So much so I’ve kept myself in situations I know aren’t right for me for way longer than I should have because I was scared of things changing or feeling like I’d failed or being judged for changing something without a perceived good enough reason. I thought I’d have a chat about really checking in with yourself about your current life set up and necessity for change and how to deal with that.

 

 

I feel like I’ve said this is in a post before but it bears repeating – no one lives your life every day and wakes up and does what you do. So make sure you’re doing what makes you happy not worrying about keeping everyone else happy and doing what’s expected of you. I went through a stage when I was 18 of waking up and feeling immediately happy and fulfilled and blasting music whilst I did my hair and make up – that act alone signified my good mood. Ever since then I’ve tried to hold myself accountable to that level of happiness and try and make sure I’m doing what I need to do to achieve that.

I honestly believe that putting change off can leave lasting damage – don’t wait for other people to instigate change in your life because they won’t – it’s up to you. People will let you stay in a damaging situation if it benefits them and you need to be prepared to stand up for what you want and need. If you stay in a situation which is making you miserable on a daily basis then psychologically this takes its toll. It also says that you don’t care about yourself enough to take yourself out of said situation.

The most important message of this post is deploy constant self life-evaluation. I guess the big three are usually home, relationship and job. Obviously it’s not practical to switch these up every few weeks (the life admin… THE LIFE ADMIN!!!) but probably worth checking in with yourself every 6 months or so to evaluate not how much you’re making or how much you go out or stay in or how many hours you work but instead if you’re happy, fulfilled and making enough time for you. Be honest with yourself about what you need and how you can make it happen.

Don’t lose yourself in other people. That goes for both other people’s opinion and getting lost in the lifestyle of a partner or a best friend. As a close friend of mine always says “you do you babe” and it’s so true. Surround yourself with people who support your happiness – not their version of what you should be doing.

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The Power of Silence

     
       Throughout the last week or so the universe has been pulling me in the direction of silence, so I thought I’d use this blog post to explore the rarity and importance of calm and silence in this modern world where we all go at a million miles an hour! 

So I live in London, which is wonderful for many reasons (culture, eating out) – with silence and calm not necessarily being at the top of the list. Don’t get me wrong, there are places you can go (Greenwich for example) which are a bit quieter and have some nice walks, but on the whole living and working in central London is not conducive to inner calm and silence. There’s a wider debate here around city life versus country life, but that’s for another blog post and another time.

The first thing that forced me into calm and silence was a trip into the beautiful Yorkshire moors. The other half and I booked a cottage to get away from London life and see how the country lot live for a few days, and it was a huge eye opener. We woke up on our first morning with no people or even other buildings in sight and it was such a rare treat. The only noise to be heard was the occasional bleating of sheep. We spent the whole of Saturday rambling and it was glorious – the weather held out for a whole 6 hours, and boy did we make the most of it! It really pulled me out of my London fug and reminded me how important it is to just get away from it all for a while. However, the trip was not without its challenges for this city girl – namely a short but very treacherous trip in pitch darkness to meet the take away deliveryman, who incidentally had no idea where we were staying or how to find us. 

The next thing that forced me to just switch off and turn to silence was a horrible burst eardrum on my return from the holiday. I’ll spare you the gory details but it wasn’t fun, and I couldn’t be around any noise at all for a whole day – so reading it was. I read some great books and really just reveled in the silence and surrendered to it. All in all I ended up being in quiet surroundings for about 6 days in a row for the first time in what feels like a million years. It was a bit unnerving at first but it really gave me some inner calm and peace, and I felt properly refreshed at the end. 

Sometimes our lives are lived at such a fast pace that we need to force ourselves (or be forced) to chill for a few and properly switch off! Give it a try – especially if you live in a big bustling city!  :)    

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You Say You Want A Revolution - the ‘Trump / Brexit’ era.

 

 
      Let’s face it - a lot of millennials are angry; fucking fuming, in fact. We feel we’ve had our futures controlled by an ageing population who won’t live to see the full extent of the damage they are causing. So when I went to the Records and Rebels exhibit at the V&A (which has super annoyingly just ended), I couldn’t help but wonder (sorry, I had to have my little Carrie Bradshaw moment!) how we can bring the lessons of social activism from the 60s and 70s into modern life.

 

Firstly, we can still protest! Yeah, OK, maybe we live in a modern society where there is a major emphasis on work and career paths that people cared less about in the 60s, and there’s not the prominent free love drug culture, but we still have weekends and we can use those to join local protests. We don’t necessarily have to live in hippie communes to show how much we care. 

Culturally, the 60s was defined by its politically-charged music, and in this day and age we can still use music (or the lack of!) as a form of protest. The inauguration of President Trump, for example, was notable for the amount of artists who chose not to perform, an act of political defiance that could heavily influence their fans. Closer to home, Lily Allen singing at the Jo Cox memorial was also significant in terms of a politically conscious artist engaging with the current societal climate.

We also have a huge trick up our sleeves that was not afforded to those in the counterculture of the 1960s: social media. Hey, if Trump can use Twitter to spread his hate, then the counterattack can be mounted on the very same platform. Some may say that a counterculture doesn’t and cannot exist in society as it is set up now, but I feel that it does - we just need to change how we define it and modernise it.

Use whatever influence you have - unlike the 60s there aren’t likely to be pockets of people living in communes with those who think as they do. The modern world is extremely fragmented, and it’s up to you to try to activate those you’re around and preach what you believe in!

The most important aspect of 60s activism that I feel we need to learn from, however, is that of caring passionately for both the local environment and the larger political backdrop it is set against. I do feel like our generation have historically been a lot more apathetic, so it’s time to change that and rise up! I think this is the perfect opportunity to show the older generations what we’re made of, and how much we actually care about our future. If we fail to do that then the outcome will be the same as how Donald Trump seems to end most of his tweets. Sad!

 

Essential Records and Rebels listening:

1. Buffalo Springfield  - For What It’s Worth

2. The Beatles - Revolution

3. Sam Cooke - A Change is Gonna Come

4. Bob Dylan - Masters of War

5. The Turtles - Eve of Destruction

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A Conversation with my 18 Year Old Self

                    So I thought it would be super fun to write an imaginary dialogue between me now and me when I was 18! I’d be super curious what any of you would say to your 18 year old self? How would you compare who you were then we who you are now? What would 18 year old you think of you now?? Are you where you thought you'd be in life?

 

 

18 Year Old Me: Oh my actual days – you’re 27 this year. SO. DAMN. OLD … you’re married by now right? No?? Engaged at least.. what, not even that? Jeez. Did you boss university?? Do you have a super high paid job?

26 Year Old Me: Hahahahaha. No. No to all of the above. But that’s ok. You’ll go through some miserable times between 18 and 26 but you’ll learn a lot. You don’t feel the need to post twatty statuses on Facebook any more – you know the sort ‘Buzzzzzingggg for tonighttttttt’ ugh. Why. Just why. So yeah, a lot more responsible on social media these days. The good news is you have a nice man, rent a lovely house and have a good job. It wasn’t the easiest ride but you made it.

18 Year Old Me: Ok, but do you have the same friends?? Please tell me you have the same amazing music taste.. Do you still love festivals???

26 Year Old Me: Mostly yes to all of this. A couple of friends have dropped off along the way but essentially the same amazing inner circle! Yes, you still love festivals – at least one a year! Similar music taste – not as much spare time to listen to music sadly!

18 Year Old Me: Do you feel like a proper adult yet?

26 Year Old Me: Honestly?? Not really. But I think in the next couple of years… You might buy a house this year by the way.. GULP!

18 Year Old Me: NO WAY. How? Actually, don’t tell me, I don’t want to know.. is it legal??

26 Year Old Me: Yes, yes it is! Also, try not to worry so much. You’ll hit your milestones when you hit them. You’re way too young to worry as much as you are! Focus on having fun – it won’t last forever.

I’m trying to think what 18 year old me would think of the woman I’ve become. I hope she’d be proud. I hope she’d be happy with how much I’ve learnt! And the learning curve is still going.. J  

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Writing a Blog - Expectation vs Reality

              So I recently hit 10,000 hits in a month (Woo go team #rachelrelates) I’m so hugely grateful for everyone who has clicked on and hopefully got something from what I’ve written. Writing regularly has certainly been a journey so I thought I’d share a couple of things I’ve learnt along the way..

Expectation: You will feel constantly inspired and will want to write every minute of every day.

Reality: Ha. Just Ha. No. But I have learnt when i’m generally more creative (i.e. the time of day) and how I work best which is great. I may have posted pretty regularly in the last month but my creative well is definitely not drying up yet! I’ve learnt to work writing into my daily/weekly life and organised my time around this (see my blog on the creative process helping your 9-5).

Expectation: People will come to your website in flocks the second it goes live.

Reality. No. It takes work, lots of work. But it’s also an incredible experience watching more and more people gradually following your blog posts. I’ve also found it really important to learn from my audience and create more of what they want. I’ve also (I hope learnt a little something about marketing content on social media too. (although I do have a wonderful friend who helps me with that too). 

Expectation: It will feel nothing like an actual job and you will always love it.

Reality. Naaah. I’ve had meetings, made lists, been stressed and worried about what I’m doing - Just. But the outcome is more than worth it! It feels like a job just the best job in the world and the more I can do of it the better!

Expectation: People will love what you’re doing and all feedback will be great.

Reality: Definitely not.. but all criticism is constructive and it’s always important to remember you can’t ever please everyone. 

Expectation: Your blog is yours and only yours.

Reality: Nopes. I already have a mini team of people working with me which is amazing and they keep me on track and support the actual writing which is my speciality. On top of this my friends, family and anyone in my audience are all a huge part of the process and keep me focused on what i’m doing. I don’t write for myself I write to give people a little break from their day and a hopefully some writing they can relate to and gives them a spring in their step. Obviously it’s a personal creative process too and it’s a great release of what’s in my brain but that’s the not the most important bit of what I’m doing. 

Having said all of the above I wouldn’t change a second of the process so far! If i could do the last month all over again I would in a heartbeat :). Anyone who is considering writing a blog but not sure I cannot encourage you enough to give it a whirl! 

Please keep liking, clicking following, sharing and letting me know more of what you want from our little corner of the Internet! 

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The Anti-Valentines Post

          We’ve all been single on Valentines Day.. it can be shite. You’re surrounded by loved up couples who all seem perfect and happy (they’re not but that’s for another post..) I thought i’d write a little bit about making V Day as a happily single person work for you. 

Make sure you make plans - it’ll feel worse to wallow sitting in by yourself a la Bridget Jones. Do Galentines Day - have the best night with your single girlfriends - get the prosecco and chocolates in. Watch the trashiest movie you can find (I’m talking 50 shades) and have fun! 

Make it a day to celebrate yourself - you can have the most fun of your life being single, not answering to anyone and being able to do whatever you want without letting someone know where you are. Being ‘single’ aka not chained to anyone is a perfectly equal and valid life choice to anyone else’s. 

Some advice for those who do have someone special - no one needs to see all the #boydonegood posts all over social media - really no one.. I do also subscribe to the idea that you should show people you care about that you care every day not just on one allotted day. We all know the commercial/rip off side of V day as well.. an aspect of it is for sure a capitalist plot. 

Important to remember - it’s only one day! Why should you feel crappy about your life choices on one day a year when you’re perfectly happy being single every other day of the year. Another benefit of it only being one day - it’s over before you know it :) and who knows - if the stars align and you think it’s what you want you may be being spoilt by your very own Mr Right - but if you choose to be single next year then that’s a choice that society will just have to deal with too. 

Hey - if all of the above fails then at least it’s a Tuesday - it’s been a weekend the last few years which is way worse… no one likes a whole weekend of feeling rubbish.

So grab a box set and your bestie and have the best time! 

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Your Career in Your Hands

              Something that really pisses me off is the outlook our generation are all taught to believe from school to college, through to university and beyond, that we should be grateful for any job offer we get regardless of if we want the job, will be happy in the job or if it will help us to land the career we eventually want. Also, no one really tells you that you are in any way in control of your job and career trajectory - I mean, sure, sometimes there’s career advice but it’s mainly grounded in what’s realistic, not what you really want to do. Crucially, your personality, likes and dislikes and talents are rarely taken into account. Of course you’ve got those people who know they want to be a doctor or a lawyer or whatever, and that’s great. But for most people it’s not as clear cut - those are the people I’ll be addressing in this post.

At the end of the day the only person who is in control of your day-to-day working life and has to live with the career decisions you make is yourself. Your parents, friends and tutors etc can advise you along the way but they will not be the ones who have to get up every day and go to your job. They’re not the people who will have to face the daily grind of a job they don’t like, day in and day out.

There’s also very much a sense that your fate and future is in the hands of the company you work for, but actually again you can regain control over this and speak to your boss about changing your current role to fit in with what will make you happier or to discuss a different role in the company.

My mother gave me some great advice about job interviews (no, not imagining everybody on the panel naked), which is that as much as they’re interviewing you for suitability, you’re interviewing them, too! You have a RIGHT to be happy and fulfilled at work and if you don’t think you’ll get that from a job you’re interviewing for - move onto the next one. I know it can seem like there won’t be another one but there will be. What’s the harm in waiting for another few weeks versus being miserable in a job for months or even years! Believe me it’s much easier to stay in an awful job for way longer than you meant to than you would think!


So my best advice is this: 1) take time to decide what will truly make you happy and 2) work towards that independently whilst in your current job (gotta pay them bills, yo). It may even be possible to find a way to work what you really want to do into your current job role! You never know it could be much more achievable than you would imagine! Companies are often looking to expand or recruit internally and they could be looking for someone to do exactly what you have in mind!

In summary the crucial part of this is be proactive in your career and your job, rather than remaining passive and unhappy. You’re not a bystander, it’s your life, your job and - most importantly - your happiness.

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How to Beat the Sunday Night Dread

              That gut wrenching feeling on a Sunday at around 9pm will be familiar to a lot of us. It’s often a hangover from school days - I personally used to drive past my school every Sunday evening so I attribute some of my personal Sunday evening demons to that particular unwanted ritual!

I thought I’d share some tips and ideas to feel a bit brighter on a Sunday evening and ensure that you look forward to the week ahead.

1) Do something nice for yourself. Watch a trashy film or your favourite old TV show, grab a treat from the fridge - something comforting!

2) Do something that relaxes you. This could be anything from lighting a candle to reading or a long, hot bubble bath.

3) Plan for the future - If your job is making you miserable then remember to rationalise that you are in control of your career, and that you won’t have to be there your whole life. Try to map out where you want your career to take you based on what you feel your strongest talents to be and what you love to do.

4) Organise the coming week and think about what you might be able to achieve - write this down in a planner or diary. This will give you some perspective and make the next 5 days seem a little less scary. Why not put in something to look forward to on Monday? This could be dinner with a friend or going for a swim - whatever you like to do!

5) Think about fun things you’ll do next weekend - If you are living and working for the weekend then think about the next couple of weekends and what you might get up to. If you do have fun plans try to focus on those; if you don’t, appreciate the opportunity for free time and relaxation - it won’t last forever!

6) Try and figure out if the fact you’re feeling low is just a feeling that is ingrained in you from childhood or if it might be a symptom of something more significant in your life which needs changing. For example, what are you dreading - just getting up early? Could you perhaps speak to your boss and see if it’s an option to come in an hour later?


Remember you exist outside of your daily 9-5 - you are creative, wise, unique and wonderful!

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Wild Women Part 2 : How to Make Money From What you Love

                                The next blog on women who have inspired me is specifically based around boss women who have turned their creative passion into their business. To me, they still come under the ‘Wild Women’ category because they’ve gone off the beaten track of ‘normal jobs’ and done what they love.

Annie Mac

My favourite thing about this woman is her dedication to and passion for dance music. She’s combined this with starting a hugely successful brand (Annie Mac Presents or AMP) from scratch. They host incredible nights and produce a compilation CD every year as well hosting a whole festival themselves! I’ve seen her DJ a few times and she is always the consummate professional – even when she’s being heckled directly in front of the DJ booth at a tiny club in Brighton. When you hear Annie talk about music and clubbing culture it’s obvious that’s she does what she does for the pure euphoria of that perfect night out when there’s an amazing sense of community and belonging, everyone has an incredible time and the vibe is electric.

Jo Malone

I was lucky enough to hear the perfume guru Jo speak at Stylist Live last October (FYI anyone who can go to Stylist Live totally should – a whole room full of inspiring ass kicking boss women – it’s amazing) and her passion for smells just leapt off the stage. She spoke about how she has synesthesia (the very rare condition where every smell is heightened) and it really occurred to me that the secret to her success was using her biggest strength and building her career around it. I think too often people try and force themselves into a career that someone else wants for them or that they have stumbled into, so Jo’s way round really inspired me.

So there we have it – a couple of butt kicking women who have developed what they truly love into hugely successful and much loved businesses.

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It's Ok Not to Feel Ok

        So I was planning for my next post to be Wild Women Part 2 (don't worry that's coming soon)– but then something happened that I wanted to talk about..

 

I had a bad day. Not a two or three things go wrong and you feel shit for 5 minutes bad day, a I didn’t want to speak to anyone, everything felt on top of me, sobbing all evening bad day. And I realised something… that it was ok, I survived. Everyone has days like that, no one is perfect, no one has an ideal life.

I was furious with myself that I let stuff get on top of me and I wasn’t doing everything ‘perfectly’. I perceived that because I’d made a mistake and then let my anxiety about that control me that I’d failed somehow. I’ve never been the best at putting things into perspective and this experience was no different. But a day is just that – a day. There’s always another day, another chance to learn from your mistakes (however annoying and or painful that might be).

I was meant to swim – I didn’t. I was meant to write – I didn’t. And that’s ok, as long as I don’t give up on those things forever and I try again tomorrow.

What I did however was soak up the massive love and support which is around me. Within minutes people who care about me deeply had listened and more importantly brought me yummy desert…

I’m very lucky - people rallied round me like troopers – and that’s for life, not just a day.

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Social Media & The Internet: The Benefits

 

                 So often we are told of the drawbacks to social media and the internet but lately I’ve found myself really seeing the benefits. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve gone looking for the nicest ways to use the internet but I certainly seem to have found them. I thought I’d share just a few ways that I’ve recently felt the benefits of the online community.

1) My foray into guest blogging. With my own blog only a few days old, I thought back to the blogs that had inspired me the most - one specifically came to mind. The blog in question was by a girl I’d know at college whose blog around depression I had read and loved! A quick Facebook message and we were in business! We’ve now guest written for each other and shared each other’s blogs - all with ease and comfort - no phone calls, emails, coffees or even extensive planning, just boom DONE!

2) Using a hash tag to find likeminded people or those who are talking about something relevant to you or something you’re interested in or struggling with - I’ve not only found others with blogs/thoughts similar to myself but also have effectively used hash tags to promote my own writing which makes it easier for other people to find my blog through instagram particularly.

3) The sheer number of people who you can reach. My blog is about a week and a half old and i’ve reached Vietnam, India, Australia and the US just to name a few - this just goes to show the areas of the world you can get your message to if you have a bit of google key word search behind you!

4) Kind of related to the above but the power of sharing on social media - by simply asking friends to share my blog link I’ve reached thousands of people that wouldn’t have seen my content otherwise

5) The women’s marches around the world in response to Donald Trumps inauguration - I wasn’t able to attend but followed the social media coverage extensively. I find it so powerful that social media was used to create the buzz around the event and to help organise where everyone would be meeting etc. It just shows the power of what can be achieved if people have a common shared message and hold the same issues at heart!

So my conclusion is – if you know where to look the internet can be a safe life affirming haven!

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Wild Women Part 1: Inspirational Female Bosses

                       Off the back of Trump’s inauguration and his views on women I felt it was important to outline some of the women who have shaped and inspired me both personally and creatively. I’m going to go in chronological order and start with those who inspired me when I was young.  

 

 

 

Jacqueline Wilson  

 I cannot overstate the importance of my favourite author growing up. My love of language, reading and writing is based on my mother and grandmother buying me each and every new Jacqueline Wilson book. My grandmother was a primary school teacher, and as soon as I was old enough she always instilled the importance of reading as widely as I could. I was obsessed with Jacqueline Wilson’s story telling and how relatable it was and how it really felt as though a friend was telling you a story - this has become a theme in my own personal style of writing and this blog.  I also met her at book signing and she was LOVELY.

 

My Mother 

 Continuing with the theme of people who shaped me when I was young, it’s only as I’ve gotten older that I’ve realised how much of an inspiration my mum was and still is to me. This can be summed up by my favourite item of clothing of my mum’s when I was growing up - a t shirt with a list of wild women, including Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, Rosa Parks, Debbie Harry, and Joni Mitchell. The most inspiring part of this list, however, was that the last name read ‘AND YOU’. I’ve always remembered this and particularly tried to hold onto it when I feel low. My mum’s support, much like the memory of the t-shirt, is embedded deeply and is always constant. On a more practical level she’s inspired me by setting up her own successful therapy business, buying her own house, running self-development courses and always supporting me in everything I do.  

 

Check back on Rachelrelates next week for part 2 of this series on ass kicking women … :)

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The 10 Items That Hold the Most Sentimental Value for me and Why

                                    I thought I’d do something a little different on the blog today and just go through my most prized possessions and why they mean so much to me! I love these kinds of posts so I hope you’ll enjoy reading about a few of my treasured items!

1)      A Painting by my Grandfather

This is my prized possession – it’s a picture of some 20’s flapper girls that my grandfather painted in the 80’s and it’s beautiful! It used to be in grandmother’s flat and now it hangs in my bedroom. It reminds me of the importance of family which is an added bonus.

2)      My Fashion Book Collection

Some of these have been presents and some have been picked up at exhibitions and shows – they include Audrey Hepburn – Portrait of an Icon from the National Portrait Gallery Show, The Alexander McQueen book which accompanied the V&A exhibition and Coco Chanel The Illustrated World of a Fashion Icon.

3)      My Clock

This was a present for my 22^nd birthday from a close friend and has a wonderful old fashioned feel to it as well as a Parisian theme which is always a bonus in my book..

4)      Audrey Hepburn Print

The print is of Funny Face and I picked this up in Camden market on one of my favourite summer days of 2014. It reminds me of going round the market with friends then seeing Annie Mac at Koko that evening.

5)      Box of Festival Wrist Bands

Some of my happiest memories are at music festivals. I just love the atmosphere and the feeling of mutual happiness – as well as getting to the front for my favourite artist! I first went to a music festival in Sweden when I was 18 and have had the bug ever since.

6)      My Stepmother’s Pearls

My Stepmother is a wonderful woman who I’ve always had a fantastic relationship with. She passed onto me her mother’s pearls a couple of years ago – I love them and they only come out for special occasions…

7)      Picture Collection

These range from a picture of my mum and I on my first birthday to uni days and my best friends 21^st and each and every memory is special!

8)      Star Wars figurine

This was an in joke present from my other half on our first date J

9)      Silver Bracelet

I was given a beautiful silver bracelet by a family friend who is no longer with us so needless to say this means a lot to me.

10)   Cambridge Satchel Company Bag

I’d been DYING for one of these beautiful bags for years and for my birthday a couple of years ago my parents granted my wish like the wonderful birthday fairies they are!

So there you have it.. a few of my most important items – I’d love to hear yours in the comments J

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