Social Media & The Internet: The Benefits

 

                 So often we are told of the drawbacks to social media and the internet but lately I’ve found myself really seeing the benefits. I don’t know if it’s because I’ve gone looking for the nicest ways to use the internet but I certainly seem to have found them. I thought I’d share just a few ways that I’ve recently felt the benefits of the online community.

1) My foray into guest blogging. With my own blog only a few days old, I thought back to the blogs that had inspired me the most - one specifically came to mind. The blog in question was by a girl I’d know at college whose blog around depression I had read and loved! A quick Facebook message and we were in business! We’ve now guest written for each other and shared each other’s blogs - all with ease and comfort - no phone calls, emails, coffees or even extensive planning, just boom DONE!

2) Using a hash tag to find likeminded people or those who are talking about something relevant to you or something you’re interested in or struggling with - I’ve not only found others with blogs/thoughts similar to myself but also have effectively used hash tags to promote my own writing which makes it easier for other people to find my blog through instagram particularly.

3) The sheer number of people who you can reach. My blog is about a week and a half old and i’ve reached Vietnam, India, Australia and the US just to name a few - this just goes to show the areas of the world you can get your message to if you have a bit of google key word search behind you!

4) Kind of related to the above but the power of sharing on social media - by simply asking friends to share my blog link I’ve reached thousands of people that wouldn’t have seen my content otherwise

5) The women’s marches around the world in response to Donald Trumps inauguration - I wasn’t able to attend but followed the social media coverage extensively. I find it so powerful that social media was used to create the buzz around the event and to help organise where everyone would be meeting etc. It just shows the power of what can be achieved if people have a common shared message and hold the same issues at heart!

So my conclusion is – if you know where to look the internet can be a safe life affirming haven!

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Wild Women Part 1: Inspirational Female Bosses

                       Off the back of Trump’s inauguration and his views on women I felt it was important to outline some of the women who have shaped and inspired me both personally and creatively. I’m going to go in chronological order and start with those who inspired me when I was young.  

 

 

 

Jacqueline Wilson  

 I cannot overstate the importance of my favourite author growing up. My love of language, reading and writing is based on my mother and grandmother buying me each and every new Jacqueline Wilson book. My grandmother was a primary school teacher, and as soon as I was old enough she always instilled the importance of reading as widely as I could. I was obsessed with Jacqueline Wilson’s story telling and how relatable it was and how it really felt as though a friend was telling you a story - this has become a theme in my own personal style of writing and this blog.  I also met her at book signing and she was LOVELY.

 

My Mother 

 Continuing with the theme of people who shaped me when I was young, it’s only as I’ve gotten older that I’ve realised how much of an inspiration my mum was and still is to me. This can be summed up by my favourite item of clothing of my mum’s when I was growing up - a t shirt with a list of wild women, including Stevie Nicks, Janis Joplin, Rosa Parks, Debbie Harry, and Joni Mitchell. The most inspiring part of this list, however, was that the last name read ‘AND YOU’. I’ve always remembered this and particularly tried to hold onto it when I feel low. My mum’s support, much like the memory of the t-shirt, is embedded deeply and is always constant. On a more practical level she’s inspired me by setting up her own successful therapy business, buying her own house, running self-development courses and always supporting me in everything I do.  

 

Check back on Rachelrelates next week for part 2 of this series on ass kicking women … :)

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The 10 Items That Hold the Most Sentimental Value for me and Why

                                    I thought I’d do something a little different on the blog today and just go through my most prized possessions and why they mean so much to me! I love these kinds of posts so I hope you’ll enjoy reading about a few of my treasured items!

1)      A Painting by my Grandfather

This is my prized possession – it’s a picture of some 20’s flapper girls that my grandfather painted in the 80’s and it’s beautiful! It used to be in grandmother’s flat and now it hangs in my bedroom. It reminds me of the importance of family which is an added bonus.

2)      My Fashion Book Collection

Some of these have been presents and some have been picked up at exhibitions and shows – they include Audrey Hepburn – Portrait of an Icon from the National Portrait Gallery Show, The Alexander McQueen book which accompanied the V&A exhibition and Coco Chanel The Illustrated World of a Fashion Icon.

3)      My Clock

This was a present for my 22^nd birthday from a close friend and has a wonderful old fashioned feel to it as well as a Parisian theme which is always a bonus in my book..

4)      Audrey Hepburn Print

The print is of Funny Face and I picked this up in Camden market on one of my favourite summer days of 2014. It reminds me of going round the market with friends then seeing Annie Mac at Koko that evening.

5)      Box of Festival Wrist Bands

Some of my happiest memories are at music festivals. I just love the atmosphere and the feeling of mutual happiness – as well as getting to the front for my favourite artist! I first went to a music festival in Sweden when I was 18 and have had the bug ever since.

6)      My Stepmother’s Pearls

My Stepmother is a wonderful woman who I’ve always had a fantastic relationship with. She passed onto me her mother’s pearls a couple of years ago – I love them and they only come out for special occasions…

7)      Picture Collection

These range from a picture of my mum and I on my first birthday to uni days and my best friends 21^st and each and every memory is special!

8)      Star Wars figurine

This was an in joke present from my other half on our first date J

9)      Silver Bracelet

I was given a beautiful silver bracelet by a family friend who is no longer with us so needless to say this means a lot to me.

10)   Cambridge Satchel Company Bag

I’d been DYING for one of these beautiful bags for years and for my birthday a couple of years ago my parents granted my wish like the wonderful birthday fairies they are!

So there you have it.. a few of my most important items – I’d love to hear yours in the comments J

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How Being Creative Can Actually Support Your 9-5

                      All too often we hear of the struggles of combining a job you’re passionate about but pays nothing with holding down your 9-5.. Well I’ve actually found that since I started this blog it’s been the opposite and here is a few reasons why..

-         I don’t feel creatively stifled or resentful. This is a big one – you can often feel like you’re going nowhere if you do a mundane office job but if you’re pursuing something you’re passionate about alongside that then you feel like you are making some sort of tracks in the area you hope to eventually get paid work in.

-          I’ve got better at organizing my time. I’ve had to! Otherwise there’s no way anyone can hold down a job and give creative projects the time and attention they deserve. Also when a chunk of your time is spent doing something you love you want to split your time and make sure enough is given to your chosen creative outlet.

-          My work ethic is better. Because you raise your game naturally for something you want to do and are passionate about this for sure rubs off on other areas of your life like actual work and exercise for example. The determination I have has also massively increased in all areas of life!

 So don’t give up on what you really want to do and just focus on the fact that you won’t be in your day job forever as long as you work hard enough and have passion. But in the meantime you may as well make your boss love you whist you’re still there – you may even get a pay rise and you can put it towards pursuing your true calling ;)

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The Relationship Guide to Football – Tackling the Big Divide

                                  Is a frequent argument in your house football versus other plans at the weekend? Then this article can help! Let’s try and break down that barrier and try and decode what the emotional attachment to football really is and why some people get it and some people don’t. I’ve looked into several basic points to try and help you understand how your partner probably feels about the ‘beautiful game’

 

 

1)      The history of the game – this goes for both the legacy of the game itself and the history it has within many families. Everybody has family history or heirlooms or important traditions – football is just another one of these for a lot of people.

 

2)      If your other half is always going off to watch the match try and relate the passion to something you’re passionate about – whether that’s a TV show or something else that you do for yourself on a weekly basis… try and imagine they were trying to stop you doing that! If you don’t have a football equivalent use the time they spend on football to find something you love just as much.

 

3)      Comradery – for a lot of people football could be the only quality time they spend with their mates or certain family members – if your idea of some solid catch up time is a good meal with your closest friends that just think of football as your partners version of that.

 

4)      Your significant other probably has a long attachment to a particular team and their attitude will be ‘football/ my team was here first’. Try and respect the place it has for them in their personal hierarchy in relation to perhaps your relationship with your oldest friend i.e. something that existed before you were a couple and will always be sacred. 

 

5)      Admiration is a big part of it too – some people attach admiration to actors or singers – some it’s footballers. It may not make total sense to you but they genuinely admire the skill of playing the game at the highest level. To them the passing, scoring or saving of the ball is an art form. 

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Guest Post from Kirsty Frampton

                   I explained in my last post how important it is to get inspired by your friends and if you collaborate you’ll truly see how much they can do. Well this could not be more apt in the case of the following post– I reached out to Kirsty to ask her to write for me and I couldn’t be happier with the results so enjoy below and check out Kirsty’s blog on https://crazyladyramblings.wordpress.com/about/

 

We all feel down now and then. Some of us suffer from mental illness, such as depression which makes us feel low. Others are just having a rough patch or a tough day. Either way it’s something every human being experiences and it can be difficult to get yourself out of that mentality, because unfortunately, negativity breeds negativity.

Since being diagnosed with depression two and a half years ago I have spent a lot of time learning how to cope with the illness and feeling low. Here’s a small insight into what I have discovered so far:

·         You are not alone. You will feel like it sometimes, but you would be surprised how many people are going through a similar experience

·         That being said, you and your experience are unique. Hold on to the beautiful fact that there is nobody like you out there. And don’t feel that your experience is less valid than someone else’s, just because the two are different.

·         You’re allowed to have bad days. It is important to try and get yourself out of the hole you are in, but sometimes it is exhausting and we have those days where we just don’t want to do it. That’s totally okay. Stay in bed all day, hide away from the world, be an emotional wreck. Sometimes you need some time to embrace what you are feeling and give yourself a break.

·         It’s so vital to discover what makes you happy. Sit down and write a list of things that bring you true happiness. Keep the list safe and consult it whenever you feel low. Pick something on there and do it. Life can be so hectic and we forget to do the things that bring us unadulterated pleasure. For example, I love to read, but I rarely find time to do it. So sometimes I will clear my schedule and spend a whole day losing myself in one of my favourite books. Or, do something that you really have no excuse to do, but you just don’t do. I love yoga but find it so easy to get out the habit of doing it because I have 101 other things to do every day. So now I make an effort to set aside a mere 20-30 minutes a day to go some yoga in my living room (albeit with my cat climbing all over me as I’m doing the downward dog!).

·         This is perhaps a little obvious and cliché – but look after yourself. Eat healthy food and get some exercise. It really does help. I know better than anyone that this one can be incredibly hard. There is nothing better than devouring a tub of Ben and Jerrys whilst you slob out in front of the tv, but it’s true when they say that a healthy body equals a healthy soul. And no, I’m sad to say that a bottle of wine is not one of your five-a-day, despite the fact it’s made from grapes (sad face)!

These are just a few of my best tips. Everyone is different, so not everything will work for everyone, but what is important is that you find out what works for YOU! And use those things to create the happiness you deserve.

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The Importance of Combining Friends and Creativity

 

     So I’ve just seen the new movie La La Land (OMG so good) and it made me think a lot about the creative process and the path it can take. If you haven’t seen it (it did only come out last week) it’s basically about Mia (played by Emma Stone) trying desperately to make it as an actress despite many knock backs and her constant thoughts that she should grow up, finish her law degree and get a proper job. The other side of the film is about Seb (Played by Ryan Gosling) trying to make a living from his passion for playing jazz. The film highlights several things – the knock backs you face when you put your creative work out there, the struggle to get paid for it, and the importance of people spurring each other on! On this point a central theme is the two main characters constantly supporting each other and reminding each other of the importance of finding and following your passion.

 

 

It feels like sometimes admitting your creative flair is a bit of a taboo – especially if like me you’re known for having a practical job and not being particularly artistic or anything. As with many things in life you need your friends to support you in any creative endeavors (Seriously use the natural flair your friends have for things – they might not even charge you ;) ) and if you collaborate with them you’ll learn more about talents you never even knew they had! So I want to use this blog post to shout out some of my crazy talented friends and how we’ve supported each other.

With that in mind – my friend’s blog is exceptional – I’m going to link it right hereee  http://sashatoyou.blogspot.co.uk/  she’s had one hell of a life and basically is serializing and discussing it so refreshingly and in such an interesting way.. .I thought I knew her backwards but even I’m learning new things…! Because of her I realised I could put my writing out there as well.

Another of my best friends is a graphic genius (responsible for a lot of the layout/graphics you see before you!) She continually supported me to get this blog off the ground and I will be forever grateful! She honestly kept bugging me until I put time aside to properly write because she knew how important it was to me.

Last but not least – I have a friend who is the most incredible artist. Her artistic creativity inspires me more than she realizes particularly as she never loses sight of her pure love for art and music.

So here’s to the friends that inspire you, prop you up when you’re down and are general legends!

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Make Your Addiction You and Your Wellness..

                   Back in the day the word addiction was reserved for drugs or alcohol or people in dependent relationships. Now it’s a different story - we’re at a unique time in life where a large number of millennials are addicted to their devices/social media. This means that we’re embedded with addictive patterns and personalities by default, but there’s nothing to say you can’t use this type of personality for good… If we use these addictive tendencies and turn them on working on ourselves the results could be amazing..

 

 

·         Treat yourself how you would your mum or your best friend. Simply put – want the best for yourself and treat yourself with love, respect and kindness

·         Carve out specific time for yourself to just read or swim or do whatever relaxes you or helps you switch off

·         Realise what you deserve from life and plan how to get it

·         Take your own advice – you wouldn’t tell a friend to stay in a job she hated for example, you wouldn’t think she deserved that, so why do you?

·         Use your commute to your advantage – I wish I’d done this when I had a long commute – but try and read a book or listen to some of your favourite music and zone out.

·         Make your addiction to your phone work for you and support you in organisation or with some mindfulness apps

·         Your diet/exercise matters - again it’s much easier to want a friend to feel great about themselves and I control of what they eat and when they work out – it took me years to want this for myself as well..

Remember – you are worth your own love and time even if it doesn’t always feel that way…

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Compartmentalization – A Handy Bullet Point Guide

                   So we all feel a bit shit if we’re worrying about the same thing all day every day – plus when you actually come to face the thing  you’ve been thinking about it seems so much worse because it’s consumed your brain. This is where compartmentalization comes in – otherwise known as dividing your brain and time into relevant sections– it’s vital for not only mental wellbeing but also success in all areas of life. Pesky (but also wonderful) social media hasn’t helped because every aspect of our life is merged within our phone. Here’s a few tips on how to compartmentalize and how it’ll help you:

·         Plan everything and divide your time up – this means a) nothing gets neglected and b) you’ll know what you need to focus your attention on and when. For example at work really focus on the task you’re completing and if you’re with friends give them your full attention – no one likes that dinner companion who is glued to their work emails (full disclaimer I have TOTALLY been that person).

 

·         Put your apps into folders on your phone. Sounds silly but it means if you’re at work you can ignore the ‘social media’ folder, and if you dedicate time to catching up on messages from the day you can stay away from the work area of your phone.

 

·         It will free your brain – women are especially guilty of thinking about a million different things at once and by compartmentalizing it should help you switch off the areas of your brain you don’t need at that precise moment. The more you focus on the present people will notice and appreciate it and you’ll feel prouder of what you achieve in any area of life – e.g. a job or a relationship, because it’s had your full attention.

 

·         It will make you feel organized and in control – you’ll know exactly what each day involves and feel equipped to handle it!

 

·         You should be able to schedule in some more me time if everything else is successfully in compartments in your life/brain and we could all use some more of that…

So there we have it – a few handy hints on how to compartmentalize… Good luck J

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Our Modern Age of Un-satisfaction

          Let’s face it – the internet has caused a whole load of life envy and unrealistic perceptions of what’s going on for other people. We’re so desperate to have the best of everything and apps make it so easy..

It could be anything from a new job to a new flat or boyfriend but we always want more and we always want better. Don’t get me wrong it’s great to aim higher and go for what you really want – in fact more than great it’s necessary! Always follow your dreams and passions – but just make sure they’re yours. And when you find that flat or man or whatever try – however hard it might be – to treasure that even through a hard day at the office or a fight with your boyfriend. As the Instagram quote goes – ‘don’t let a bad day make you think you have a bad life’.

It’s really important to keep coming back to what makes YOU happy, what do YOU want – not what you’ve been advertised by magazines or told by social media is important. And we all know what people post on social media is an illusion anyway – people might look happy in their swanky houses and live in model-esque boyfriends but you don’t know how hard they’ve had to work for where they live or whether their relationship is really that perfect.. Because guess what – perfection doesn’t exist and real life sadly does not come with a filter!

I think this grass is always greener attitude is most common with relationships – property and jobs are still more permanent and less disposable (though we all love a good dream property stalk on rightmove). The age of internet dating means you’re much more likely to find someone because the pool is so much wider. The problem with this is it can be easy to forgo someone who is really great and you could build a future with because he may not be “perfect” and you think that there’s someone better out there. I mean we’ve all gone on a meh first date and I’m not saying follow up with every Tom Dick (lol) or Harry but sometimes, just sometimes people can surprise you – and let them! Maybe the earth didn’t stop moving on the first date but in their own way your latest tinder bloke may just be the answer to all your prayers and you just don’t know it yet..

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Anxiety in the Workplace and How to Manage

                     So generally I think it’s really important to talk about mental health in the workplace. I can only speak for myself but my work place anxiety is very specific – I have a deep rooted fear of messing up, being fired or generally being told I’m not good enough. I can even remember my first job – just working behind the tills at a shop, I would be terrified to give someone the wrong change or not clean an area properly after the shop closed.

It’s very physical for me. Like if I’m physically away from something or someone I don’t think it can hurt me so I avoid people and situations I don’t think I can deal with. My symptoms are also very physical such as shaking and feeling like I'm going to throw up. As you can imagine, this doesn’t work very well for meetings or bosses who sit right next to you… and productivity can massively suffer too making you feel even worse – talk about vicious circle.

It’s easy to feel all of the below..

“It’s all going to go wrong”

“I’m not meant to be here”

“My boss is going to shout at me”

But the good news is there’s small ways to overcome these thoughts which can lead to big change! Speaking to your boss, doing breathing exercise at your desk and having a proper lunch all help. Also trying to really focus on the below positive mantras:

Affirmations – changing your thought patterns:

“I am meant to be here”

“You’re doing it just right”

“I’m in control”

Trying to really stay in control and top of your workload helps, lists and regularly checking in with your boss is great for this. Buy some nice stationery with some inspirational quotes and keep it at your desk for motivation!

Drink lots of water – always have some at your desk and have a proper breakfast – fruit/ porridge for example!

A support system of colleagues is also vital to make work that bit more fun and pull you out a rut or a low period if you feel like you’re in one. This also makes you feel much less alone which lovely. On that topic… you’re not alone at all, so many people suffer with imposter syndrome at work or get stressed or depressed at work and struggle to organise themselves and feel overwhelmed.

Try and constantly remind yourself of things you did well and times when you and boss have got on really well and really hold on any positive feedback to get you through the lower times.

And lastly – the most important one SWITCH THE F OFFLINE AFTER WORK! This one took me years to learn but it’s so important. The only way you will give your all at work is if you’ve re charged your batteries fully and gone off emails and everything.

Good luck – and go forth and be a boss man/woman – you can do it!!!

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Single Vs Settling Down - The Big Debate

 

   As a twenty-something, who just missed the Sex and the City generation, I was curious about the modern version of the good ol’ lifestyle debate… to settle down or live the free single (slightly lonely) life. It’s a war as old as time, or at least the last twenty or thirty years, and there will always be those whose focus is to get married and dedicate their lives to their family and those whom decide their career and friends are the only things they need to feel fulfilled.

I believe the age of social media has now affected every aspect of our lives, and most people would agree with that, but I'm concerned with the specific affect it’s had on people my age (26) and how constant life updates alter our perception of the lifestyles others have chosen.

I should state now that it’s my firm belief that neither life choice is right or wrong, and each individual is completely different and should seek the path that makes them happy. However, both lifestyles seem to evoke criticism, guilt, and judgement in their counterpart and it seems the age of Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram has had both a negative and positive affect on the relationships between those who have (and quote) opted for a quiet family life in the country and those who still live the city life and go out dancing every night.

Even at my (I like to think still quite young) age I can already feel the divide start to form firmly. I have probably four or five friends who have got married or had children; most I never speak to and the others rarely. Although I've had a particularly positive experience with one friend who’s life path has taken a very different turn to mine. We keep in contact regularly over Facebook even though she's married with a baby and lives in America and when we see each other it's like no time has passed!

I think It’s hard not to feel like the fact that most people now put their entire lives on the internet has affected how this divide now works. The first thing that came to mind when i started thinking about this was the fact that obviously the regularity with which people post updates online means we’re constantly faced on a daily basis with other peoples life choices. On the way to work, when browsing Facebook on your lunch hour, having a scroll before bed, for better or for worse! I don’t know about you but often i have conflicted emotions about many of the posts I see. One picture can make me feel happy, nostalgic, sad and lonely all in the space of about 10 seconds!! This can mean having an intense emotional reaction to a friends life update when you’re say on a busy commuter train (not happened to me .. ever… I swear.. *stifles sob on the 8.22 South West service) and you’re forced to face up to and almost justify your life choices both to others and yourself when really you’d like to make sure you make your connection and show up to work on time! I personally think the affect of this barrage of everyone else’s life invading ours on a daily basis mainly has a two fold affect… whilst obviously the one side is 100’s of baby / wedding pictures when you’re feeling particularly low/ bored/ lonely can have us hitting that block/delete button faster than you can say “Zuckerberg” , they can sometimes help us to understand how the “other half “ live. This leads to another issue with judging friends “online selves”, now, we all (me included) post everything online. I reckon guilt and inadequacy plays a big part in the way we judge other people and our reaction to their lifestyles. Its a classic modern case of the grass is always greener. The most rational successful women i know can suddenly question their entire life and happiness when faced with a close friend making a drastic life change like getting married. The divide can be widened by all the single gals coming together to gasp and groan in unison at every wedding detail update (ooooh don’t you just love the handmade wedding invites that just arrived.. puke!) But that is probably (not in all cases obviously) because they feel that little part of them that gnaws away and tells them they should be doing the same.

The one amazing thing about the internet in general is how it’s connected us (there are those who say we only communicate online now and that’s negative but thats a different conversation) but in terms of trans atlantic conversations and keeping in touch with friends and family its never been easier! In the old days (ok pre 2006 let’s say) even if you occasionally found time to email close friends you certainly wouldn’t have the daily connection many of us have today.

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