Women and “less defined passions”

               I’M BAAAAAAAACK!

I’m going to start with an apology - it’s been a hot minute since I blogged – I wish I had a better excuse but it’s just the normal “life got crazy busy blah blah blah”. SOZZZZZ

So I wanted to talk about something that came to my attention when an unnamed male during a conversation suggested casually that women ‘have less defined passions’. This really interested me for a few reasons. Number one – the male perspective really interested me on women and their creativity.. Number two it got me thinking about society and how men are conditioned around reacting to women’s roles and why.

So why would men think that women have less defined passions? Maybe because they perceive women’s enjoyment as less important? Or their interests more trivial? Or perhaps it’s because some people and sections of society still think of women’s passion projects are redundant because they mostly wind up being care givers in some way anyway. The funny thing is – the person who said to me oh women don’t have passions which are as defined actually claims to be a feminist. This is interesting in terms of unconscious bias which obviously needs addressing.

Let’s deal with point one first.. women’s enjoyment being perceived as less important and trivial. I think this is because it’s thought that women’s interests are external – fashion and beauty etc. However I don’t think this makes them necessarily less important. Yes – you’ll always have those people who are superficial but that goes for men and women..

The second point – “women usually end up being care givers anyway” Well that’s ancient but apparently still believed – also NOT TRUE. First off not everyone wants/can have kids and men these days are having an increasing role in childcare and caregiving also many many badass boss women with massive creative empires built on their passions have families. Lots are even born of issues they’ve faced as parents – see Cambridge Satchel Company. So there. The proof is also in the pudding and more and more women are becoming powerful influencers and plugging their interests successfully.

So be a kick ass creative passionate woman and prove the critics wrong YEAAH??

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The Health Files

         AKA ... Trying not to be a garbage person.

My reason for doing this post is slightly selfish as I want to monitor myself and also make sure that I don’t give up focusing on health and exercise. It’s SO much harder to stop doing something once you’ve put it in writing and people know you’re doing it. On that topic – I think it’s important to do things for yourself and not others. I think that’s the only way you actually do things for yourself. I’ve had people tell me to do stuff before and it neverrrr works. You have to care about yourself enough to make the change.

So basically I guess the start of this part of the story is I have a gym in my building now. Now – I’ve signed up to gyms before with very good intentions and it’s lasted a while but not more than a few months. So I’ve decided to really focus on health and fitness since I moved. (no one is too lazy to walk downstairs to a gym riiiiight?) I’m one week in so far and I’ve been 5 times so not too bad. Why am I sharing this? Because I’ve struggled. A LOT. And I want to give hope to anyone that feels out of control of their body. Each day is a new chance to take control of it. Love yourself enough to carve out 20-30 mins minimum to focus on a brisk walk or a short work out.

Mentally and physically it’ll really help with feeling like a garbage person (we’ve allll been there) and really help you to exist in reality (post coming on this shortly). It helps in life in general to focus on something and aim towards that. It’s not necessarily even about the scales or the pounds lost it’s a lot more about how you feel in yourself/how you fit into your clothes etc. Also one thing tends to lead to another – so since I’ve been going to the gym I’ve also brought lunch in and chosen a longer route to work.

I think it’s also really good to reward yourself for small everyday victories too. You went to the gym today – great! You walked that extra tube stop to work – go you! We can be super hard on ourselves but it’s important to treat yourself and your process kindly. And remember everyone is different so don't judge yourself by other people’s standards.

YOU CAN DO IT! (if you b&q it)

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Control

          I think levels of control (or lack of) is one of the biggest differences between your early twenties and your mid to late twenties. It’s easy at 21 or 22 to feel massively out of control of your life - chances are you’ve finished uni, you’re figuring out what you really want and trying to piece together how you might eventually get there. Slowly but surely over the next few years hopefully you’ll feel more and more in control!

The aspects of feeling in control of your life and secure can generally be divided into the following: job, home, financial stability and physically feeling in control of your body. When all of these work together you’ll probably feel somewhat in control. I’ve personally struggled massively with all of the above at various time and I guess the most important thing is that it’s totally normal. I think for millennials especially it’s hard because a lot of our parents had their shit sorted by our age and were married/homeowners etc and that’s just not realistic in this day and age as for a multitude of reasons as society is so different.

I think it’s a strange time in your life around 25/26 because you’re fighting a sort of inner battle where half of you wants to be a teenager and half of you wants to be a Grandma. But the most important thing to focus on is staying in control of what’s important to you and not relinquishing control to others who will be always be on their own path.  

So I’ve tried to make this year the year I take control. Super boring but necessary. Find the small changes that make a difference to you and try and make them part of your daily life. For me it’s spending my whole lunch hour walking, bringing lunch into work and making a budget spreadsheet but it’s different for everyone.  Find what is most crucial to your happiness and grab control of it J

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The Power of The Podcast

 

I came to podcasts properly a year or so ago and they have honestly changed my life. Well more specifically they’ve transformed my journey to work. Back in the day I used to download odd radio one episodes for my 2 hour commute but recently I’ve properly got into series of podcasts and OMG so good. Especially if you’re like me and find commuting and any travel emotionally harrowing then this can definitely help. I thought I’d list some of the main ones which I’ve loved!!

1)      Get It On

This is the style podcast offering from Dawn O’Porter and I love love love it. If you’ve never listened it’s basically Dawn talking to guests including Caroline Flack and Dawn French about the story behind their style. What’s great about this is that it takes a topic which can often be deemed trivial (fashion) but turns it on its head and gives the stories behind peoples clothing choices and style journey across their lives some real depth! The emotional intelligence with which choosing what you wear is discussed also makes it worth a listen.

2)      Hey It’s Ok

The Glamour ‘Hey It’s Ok’ Podcast is a great buster for those commuting blues. The best thing about this is for sure how relatable everything they discuss is. I think they usually pick 3 topics to talk through and discuss if they’re ‘ok’ (for example jealousy amongst women, being late or swearing) and on average I find 2 or 3 subject matters really relevant to my own life. It’s a great pep up because it’s a podcast version of chatting with friends and validating your secret guilty habits or deciding.. hey it’s not ok!!

3)      Desert Island Discs

Ok Ok I know this might seem like an odd choice for a 26 year old but bear with me. I will freely admit looking at the podcast feed I didn’t know who every guest was and some are a little before my time but there’s some absolute gems in there. David Beckham, Caitlin Moran, Tim Minchin and Judi Dench are especially worth a listen. The show is presented by Kirsty Young who is totally at the heart of every episode and does a phenomenal job drawing out personal stories from her guests and revealing a different side of them to her audience in the process. Plus I’m properly nosey and love hearing what celebrities favourite songs are!

4)      My Dad Wrote a Porno

In one simple word – HILARIOUS. Probably not for the faint hearted or easily offended but definitely laugh a minute. My friend actually had this podcast accidentally play out of her phone in the garden of her (middle class) Dad which is very far from ideal.. In a nutshell this podcast features the fab Alice Levine, James Cooper and Jamie Morton discussing and reading out Jamie’s dad’s porno which they’ve unearthed. I mean it’s obviously a hilarious concept to begin with but they just read it so well and make it even funnier. It can be summed up with the opener “Jamie, why are we here” “Well - we’re here because my Dad’s written a porno..” followed by subsequent laughter. So trust me - sign up for Belinda’s adventures stat (you’ll see what I mean by that..)

One of my favourite things about podcasts is the collaborative atmosphere that you can really hear in each podcast you listen to but especially the ones above. I love that people appear on each other’s podcasts (Jo Elvin of Glamour and Dawn O’Porter for example) and many of the guests like Angela Scanlon appear on both Get It On and Glamour’s podcast – I think it properly gives a sense of a podcast community!   

So what’re you waiting for?? Go to your podcast section of your phone and get subscribing!

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Spending your Twenties as a Rubik’s Cube

 

I came up with this analogy the other day and I really like it. I guess this feeds into the changes post I wrote recently but this has emphasis more on the life stage of your twenties and a rotation of changes until you’re happy with where you land. I think we can mourn changes and focus on the negative impact of them i.e. I miss someone who I’ve cut out of my life or there’s so much life admin related to this new house/job but actually I think in your twenties trial and error is so crucial. You need to try different things in different ways until you have everything how you want it and your cube is right on all sides!

I think some of us judge ourselves and each other for life changes and it’s important to look at this why this is and try and change it. There can be an attitude especially with women of ‘oh she’s flighty she’s moving again’ or ‘ohh I see on linked in she’s got ANOTHER new job’. I’m not sure men are judged in quite the same way. Maybe it’s because women are supposed to be seen as beacons of stability and we’re supposed to be steadfast and reliable. But we also have to be happy and sometimes you have to change your situation and ‘rotate your Rubick’s cube’ until you’re happy.

My whole life (up until fairly recently) I always wanted people to see me as reliable and non-changing so I’ve tended to stay in things for a long time. Maybe I was using it as a front because actually I was petrified by change. But recently I’ve embraced it and I’ve not only stopped seeing it as a negative but started seeing it as positive. I’ve become much more focused on moving onwards and upwards and reminding myself that I do deserve to keep things moving in my life until I’m truly fulfilled and satisfied.

Again I don’t know if this fear of wanting certain things comes from being a woman and not feeling assertive enough to grab things and like I deserve them but I’m really trying to alter my deeper mindset. A few lines I try to tell myself:

·         I am responsible for my own happiness

·         I deserve the things I want

·         I should be fulfilled – it’s my right

·         I have control over my destiny and I can affect the things that happen to me

 

GOOD LUCK! Don’t be scared of ‘unsettling other people’ or ‘doing too many new things at once’. Sometimes you’ve just got to grab those reins and make a big change ;)

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