Control

          I think levels of control (or lack of) is one of the biggest differences between your early twenties and your mid to late twenties. It’s easy at 21 or 22 to feel massively out of control of your life - chances are you’ve finished uni, you’re figuring out what you really want and trying to piece together how you might eventually get there. Slowly but surely over the next few years hopefully you’ll feel more and more in control!

The aspects of feeling in control of your life and secure can generally be divided into the following: job, home, financial stability and physically feeling in control of your body. When all of these work together you’ll probably feel somewhat in control. I’ve personally struggled massively with all of the above at various time and I guess the most important thing is that it’s totally normal. I think for millennials especially it’s hard because a lot of our parents had their shit sorted by our age and were married/homeowners etc and that’s just not realistic in this day and age as for a multitude of reasons as society is so different.

I think it’s a strange time in your life around 25/26 because you’re fighting a sort of inner battle where half of you wants to be a teenager and half of you wants to be a Grandma. But the most important thing to focus on is staying in control of what’s important to you and not relinquishing control to others who will be always be on their own path.  

So I’ve tried to make this year the year I take control. Super boring but necessary. Find the small changes that make a difference to you and try and make them part of your daily life. For me it’s spending my whole lunch hour walking, bringing lunch into work and making a budget spreadsheet but it’s different for everyone.  Find what is most crucial to your happiness and grab control of it J

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The Power of The Podcast

 

I came to podcasts properly a year or so ago and they have honestly changed my life. Well more specifically they’ve transformed my journey to work. Back in the day I used to download odd radio one episodes for my 2 hour commute but recently I’ve properly got into series of podcasts and OMG so good. Especially if you’re like me and find commuting and any travel emotionally harrowing then this can definitely help. I thought I’d list some of the main ones which I’ve loved!!

1)      Get It On

This is the style podcast offering from Dawn O’Porter and I love love love it. If you’ve never listened it’s basically Dawn talking to guests including Caroline Flack and Dawn French about the story behind their style. What’s great about this is that it takes a topic which can often be deemed trivial (fashion) but turns it on its head and gives the stories behind peoples clothing choices and style journey across their lives some real depth! The emotional intelligence with which choosing what you wear is discussed also makes it worth a listen.

2)      Hey It’s Ok

The Glamour ‘Hey It’s Ok’ Podcast is a great buster for those commuting blues. The best thing about this is for sure how relatable everything they discuss is. I think they usually pick 3 topics to talk through and discuss if they’re ‘ok’ (for example jealousy amongst women, being late or swearing) and on average I find 2 or 3 subject matters really relevant to my own life. It’s a great pep up because it’s a podcast version of chatting with friends and validating your secret guilty habits or deciding.. hey it’s not ok!!

3)      Desert Island Discs

Ok Ok I know this might seem like an odd choice for a 26 year old but bear with me. I will freely admit looking at the podcast feed I didn’t know who every guest was and some are a little before my time but there’s some absolute gems in there. David Beckham, Caitlin Moran, Tim Minchin and Judi Dench are especially worth a listen. The show is presented by Kirsty Young who is totally at the heart of every episode and does a phenomenal job drawing out personal stories from her guests and revealing a different side of them to her audience in the process. Plus I’m properly nosey and love hearing what celebrities favourite songs are!

4)      My Dad Wrote a Porno

In one simple word – HILARIOUS. Probably not for the faint hearted or easily offended but definitely laugh a minute. My friend actually had this podcast accidentally play out of her phone in the garden of her (middle class) Dad which is very far from ideal.. In a nutshell this podcast features the fab Alice Levine, James Cooper and Jamie Morton discussing and reading out Jamie’s dad’s porno which they’ve unearthed. I mean it’s obviously a hilarious concept to begin with but they just read it so well and make it even funnier. It can be summed up with the opener “Jamie, why are we here” “Well - we’re here because my Dad’s written a porno..” followed by subsequent laughter. So trust me - sign up for Belinda’s adventures stat (you’ll see what I mean by that..)

One of my favourite things about podcasts is the collaborative atmosphere that you can really hear in each podcast you listen to but especially the ones above. I love that people appear on each other’s podcasts (Jo Elvin of Glamour and Dawn O’Porter for example) and many of the guests like Angela Scanlon appear on both Get It On and Glamour’s podcast – I think it properly gives a sense of a podcast community!   

So what’re you waiting for?? Go to your podcast section of your phone and get subscribing!

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Spending your Twenties as a Rubik’s Cube

 

I came up with this analogy the other day and I really like it. I guess this feeds into the changes post I wrote recently but this has emphasis more on the life stage of your twenties and a rotation of changes until you’re happy with where you land. I think we can mourn changes and focus on the negative impact of them i.e. I miss someone who I’ve cut out of my life or there’s so much life admin related to this new house/job but actually I think in your twenties trial and error is so crucial. You need to try different things in different ways until you have everything how you want it and your cube is right on all sides!

I think some of us judge ourselves and each other for life changes and it’s important to look at this why this is and try and change it. There can be an attitude especially with women of ‘oh she’s flighty she’s moving again’ or ‘ohh I see on linked in she’s got ANOTHER new job’. I’m not sure men are judged in quite the same way. Maybe it’s because women are supposed to be seen as beacons of stability and we’re supposed to be steadfast and reliable. But we also have to be happy and sometimes you have to change your situation and ‘rotate your Rubick’s cube’ until you’re happy.

My whole life (up until fairly recently) I always wanted people to see me as reliable and non-changing so I’ve tended to stay in things for a long time. Maybe I was using it as a front because actually I was petrified by change. But recently I’ve embraced it and I’ve not only stopped seeing it as a negative but started seeing it as positive. I’ve become much more focused on moving onwards and upwards and reminding myself that I do deserve to keep things moving in my life until I’m truly fulfilled and satisfied.

Again I don’t know if this fear of wanting certain things comes from being a woman and not feeling assertive enough to grab things and like I deserve them but I’m really trying to alter my deeper mindset. A few lines I try to tell myself:

·         I am responsible for my own happiness

·         I deserve the things I want

·         I should be fulfilled – it’s my right

·         I have control over my destiny and I can affect the things that happen to me

 

GOOD LUCK! Don’t be scared of ‘unsettling other people’ or ‘doing too many new things at once’. Sometimes you’ve just got to grab those reins and make a big change ;)

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Here Comes The Sun (do do do dooo)

 

              I used to be a winter gal. I think when I was younger the lure of Christmas and my birthday in winter and the magic of all the lights everywhere and long cozy evenings won me over. But the older I got my ‘fresh start’ tended to be April and the Spring / Summer started to become my favorite time of year.

I think this maybe has something to do with the long history of amazing Easter holidays in my family – the start of the year can be a bit bleak so growing up my parents always made sure we had a break for Easter – either abroad or in our favourite hotel in Dorset. I can remember thinking that once that happened the year had properly started! (Ah to be young and able to while away 3 months of every year…)

I’ve found, particularly the last couple of years that by the end of the year I’m burnt out and want to change something significant about my life (see last post on changes) then it takes me the first few months of the year to sort out exactly what I want to change and how I’m going to do it. By the time the start of summer kicks in I’m usually quite settled in a routine and that’s how I stay – until the end of the year when I review everything and the whole above process starts again.

As I’ve mentioned before I’m a huge festival fan and obviously these primarily happen in the summer months. I’m going to Glastonbury for the first time in a little while this year and cannot wait! Most of my life has been spent in places where there’s lots of general fun stuff to do in summer as well. Brighton where I grew up obviously has the beach walks and South Downs as well as the bars and cafes and London has the lure of the museums and galleries and general culture (rooftop bars, outdoor cinemas etc.) – the V&A pool outside in the summer is one of my happy places.

Who knows if it’s the longer evenings, cider and prosecco or outdoor markets that have done it but since becoming a Londoner I’ve definitely found the true benefit of spending the summer in the city…

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Changes

 

       I’m a proper stickler for keeping things as they are. I hate change. Hate hate hate it. So much so I’ve kept myself in situations I know aren’t right for me for way longer than I should have because I was scared of things changing or feeling like I’d failed or being judged for changing something without a perceived good enough reason. I thought I’d have a chat about really checking in with yourself about your current life set up and necessity for change and how to deal with that.

 

 

I feel like I’ve said this is in a post before but it bears repeating – no one lives your life every day and wakes up and does what you do. So make sure you’re doing what makes you happy not worrying about keeping everyone else happy and doing what’s expected of you. I went through a stage when I was 18 of waking up and feeling immediately happy and fulfilled and blasting music whilst I did my hair and make up – that act alone signified my good mood. Ever since then I’ve tried to hold myself accountable to that level of happiness and try and make sure I’m doing what I need to do to achieve that.

I honestly believe that putting change off can leave lasting damage – don’t wait for other people to instigate change in your life because they won’t – it’s up to you. People will let you stay in a damaging situation if it benefits them and you need to be prepared to stand up for what you want and need. If you stay in a situation which is making you miserable on a daily basis then psychologically this takes its toll. It also says that you don’t care about yourself enough to take yourself out of said situation.

The most important message of this post is deploy constant self life-evaluation. I guess the big three are usually home, relationship and job. Obviously it’s not practical to switch these up every few weeks (the life admin… THE LIFE ADMIN!!!) but probably worth checking in with yourself every 6 months or so to evaluate not how much you’re making or how much you go out or stay in or how many hours you work but instead if you’re happy, fulfilled and making enough time for you. Be honest with yourself about what you need and how you can make it happen.

Don’t lose yourself in other people. That goes for both other people’s opinion and getting lost in the lifestyle of a partner or a best friend. As a close friend of mine always says “you do you babe” and it’s so true. Surround yourself with people who support your happiness – not their version of what you should be doing.

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